Wednesday, January 31, 2018

Connection Builds Success



Wow! This week's gotten away from me!

Just like you... There's a lot going on!

Cool stuff, but it's rapid fire... sometimes its difficult staying on top of it all and it gets easy to feel overwhelmed.

...then I tell myself...

Pleeease... I got this #&%!  =)

When hasn't it worked out?!?

I mean REALLY not worked out?!

NEVER!

It ALWAYS works out in the end!

So stop worrying!


How Do You Stay Motivated?

Those who know me know that I'm a pretty 'solo' kind of guy.

A Ronin...

However, I do appreciate connecting.

As a matter of fact sometimes being connected helps keep me motivated...

One of the reasons that I developed PeaceWalker.net  is not only educate, but to develop a community to keep us connected! (For me and you!)

That's one of the reasons that I started Ronin Martial Arts Academy over 25 years ago!

Yes I like my solidarity, but I like connection too.

Connection to other people provides:

~ Community
~ Learning
~ Motivation
~ Protection
~ Support
~ Security
~ A Challenge
~ Enjoyment (hopefully)
~ Stability
~ Growth
~ Commendatory
~ Comfort
~ An Outlet for You to Contribute
~ Service

Sharing adversity with others can help to Keep Going and have a better experience.

A group setting will often motivate us to do WAY more than we would on our own. Because sometimes we need our @$$ Kicked a little! =)

Yes, I know it's easier to connect on-line (& do that too),

...but,

I'm talking about meeting with people, you know LIVE real people...in-person!!

I KNOW!? Right!?!


How Do YOU Stay Connected?

Even if you're like me and value 'Your Space,' how do YOU stay Connected in your Personal, Professional and Public Life?

Yes, it's easier to connect on-line (do that too)...

...but also...

Go out and find like minded people (and some not so like minded too!), to share your journey with to benefit, share with and learn from!

Do it in different aspects of your life:

~ Work
~ A Hobby or Two
~ Something Bigger Than Yourself (Church, Temple, a Charity, etc)
~ Personal Development
~ Working Out

...and don't forget to stay connected with those who you love...

Your family and friends are worth investing in for both of you!


PLEASE JOIN US!

If you want to connect with me and the others in your PeaceWalker Community, don't forget our Private Facebook Group. 

If you haven't joined it yet here's the link:

Or better yet, come to one of our LIVE IN PERSON Workshops or Seminars!! I'd love to meet you and chat in PERSON too!


Keep Going, You Got This!

~Craig

Changing Someones State of Mind



No sun today, but I'm all bright and sunny on the inside!

Why!?!

After seeing everyone at our Krav Maga Academy doing so well, it's hard not to feel a sense of appreciation and pride.

Appreciation for each of the 60 or so people who train w/me down at the academy (and the hundreds more who I have to privileged of working with globally)! 

Pride in watching people from all walks of life, all ages, all backgrounds come together to learn how to be better protectors. To learn how to more effectively deal with the conflict inside and around of us. To learn how to become PeaceWalkers.

I see them working to be better. Working for themselves, but also working for the betterment of everyone as well!

It's not an either / or proposition, it's Both / And!

Remember those young ladies from West MI Academy of Environmental Science that I told you I was working with last week?

Well, yesterday their teacher Rob B. dropped off a nice card and gift certificate to one of my favorite Coffee Houses. (Thanks!!!)

Seeing the notes of appreciation those girls wrote and the looks on their faces when we were training makes it all worth it!

I Love What I DO!

Almost everyday I pinch myself to see if I'm dreaming!

It doesn't have to just be a dream for you...

Learning how to better deal with conflict is essential for your success and fulfillment in your life and career! If you're not on Peacewalker.net yet, what's holding you back?!

Learn how being a PeaceWalker can change everything you do in your personal and professional life!

Try PeaceWalker.net FREE for 7 Days!


We've Been Talking About Perspective & Focus...

If you remember, we've been talking about how the PeaceWalker's Focus differs from the Victim 's mentality.

Let's quickly (re)review the Victim's Focus v. PeaceWalker's Focus (again):

Victim Focuses on:

(1) The Problem
(2) Helplessness - What They Can't Do
(3) Blame - Someone or thing other than themselves

PeaceWalker Focuses On:

(1) Solutions
(2) Options - What They CAN DO
(3) Action - What's the Next Step


So What Do You DO Specifically?!?

After recognizing that the person you're conversing with is in their Emotional / Victim Mindset, you can better strategize how to handle the situation.

You notice that I didn't say how to handle THEM?!

I chose my words specifically because you have to understand that you may not be able to control THEM directly.

It's not as much about controlling what they do...


It's More About Controlling What YOU Do...

Once you recognize that the person is in this (Victim) Mindset, you may try to rationalize with them. If that works AWESOME!

However, it if doesn't work....

Then it's time to begin controlling the Space Around Them and start thinking about your...


Plan 'B'

Yep, your Plan 'B' is what you're going to do if they DON'T do what you want them to (including agree with you).

Establishing your Plan 'B' isn't something complicated. It could be as simple as agreeing to disagree; to understand that two people can have different opinions.

Don't turn things into a Power Struggle or a Battle of Wills!

You're Plan 'B' May be to simply avoid the confrontation entirely or to leave (if you have that option).

Understanding what is and isn't worth fighting for is wisdom!



Breaking Out of the Victim Mindset...

There are many ways to help break someone out of that victim mindset (including yourself).

Here's One Way...

Introduce them to the...


PeaceWalker Focus...

I know it sounds ridiculous, but you basically walk them through the PeaceWalker Focus:

Get them talking about solutions rather than the problem.

But BEWARE...

Solutions are different than bitching or continuing talking about what everyone ELSE can do...

No no no...

Ask them to think of one thing THEY Can Do to change the situation.

Notice I said something THEY can do...

Not what everyone else could or should do...

Not even what they Would or Could do in the 'perfect' world...

I said what they CAN DO...

Start them talking about solutions pointing toward things that THEY ARE CAPABLE OF DOING!

Then ask them what's THEIR Next Step?


Baby Steps?

Yes, Baby Steps are important!

Why?!

Because the HUGE Result you might be hoping for will never happen w/o a million of Small Baby Steps!

The thought of Changing the Entire World May be overwhelming...

But...

Talking to one person is doable and then another and another...

Then those people talk to other people and before you know it, your one small baby step starts to gain momentum and the next thing your single conversation becomes a...

MOVEMENT! 


Here are Some Specific Examples

Sales Person Upset that They Aren't getting their Sales Goals, but Just Keeps Making Excuses why things aren't coming together for them...

Help them to focus on Solutions and Activities that they Can Do, like...

(A) Cold Call (yuck)

NEXT STEP: Get a List of Prospects
STEP AFTER THAT: Schedule a time you are going to sit down and call.
NEXT (and Most important) STEP: CALL!

(B) Networking Group

NEXT STEP: Locate a group
STEP AFTER THAT: Make arrangement to attend group.
NEXT STEP: Go to that meeting.

(C) Call Prior Clients (in attempt to 'reactivate' relationship)

NEXT STEP: Assemble Call List
STEP AFTER THAT: Schedule a time you are going to sit down and call.
NEXT (and Most important) STEP: CALL!


These are just three examples of MANY for the sales person..

When it comes to sales, you can't really control sales, only sales activities. You have to be doing sales activities to stimulate those sales. More (of the right) activity will result in more sales. (Over-time, not over-night)!

If you are the 'boss' of this sales person and you've invested real resources in their training, providing proper support and giving them the tools and environment they need to be successful...

The rest is up to them...

Helping them gain the PeaceWalker Focus of looking at:

(1) Solutions
(2) Options - What they Can Do
(2) Action - What the Next Step

...is essential for success, however if they are unwilling to either focus on or Take Action on the right things, you have to have your Plan 'B' ready of what you're going to do!! Which may include reestablishing expectations and unfortunately the possibility of 'position reassessment and reallocation' (termination).


Another Example:

Remember that situation that I outlined on my "I Know What You're Thinking" Blog, regarding the employee continually parking in the Handicap parking spot?

Well, review that and share how you could you use this same structure to deal with that situation?

Write your answer in our facebook group:

If you're not a member yet click here to Join the PeaceWalkerCommunity!

I'm excited to see how you use these tools on the example!


You got this,
~Craig


I Know What You're Thinking...



I'm basking in the glow of this beautiful sunny winter day, while I sip on my latte' at one of my favorite Coffee Houses!

A pretty chill day today. Getting some things in order, writing to you, and  preparing for PeaceWalker.net 'Big Reveal' Next Week!

...And remembering my day yesterday at West MI Academy of Environmental Science (Thanks Again Rob for bringing me out!).

Working with those young ladies, sharing what it means to live a good Life. A Powerful Life. A life of a Protector. The Life of a PeaceWalker! Was very fulfilling to me (I hope for them too!).

WELL...

If you remember, yesterday I shared how the PeaceWalker's Focus differs from the Victim 's mentality.

I want to expand on that a bit today...

BUT...

In a very special way...

...In a way that you can use to get inside people's heads...

A way where you can better understand their state of mind...

...A Way that You Can Communicate w/Them More Effectively...

A Way YOU Can Use to Better Manage the Conflict!


But First...

Let's quickly review the Victim's Focus v. PeaceWalker's Focus:

Victim Focuses on:

(1) The Problem
(2) What They Can't Do
(3) Blame

PeaceWalker Focuses On:

(1) Solutions
(2) What They CAN DO
(3) What's the Next Step


Why Is This So Important?!?

Recognizing when someone is in a Victim Mindset is important, because they are typically using Emotion Disguised as Logic and when this is the case, it is difficult or impossible to reason w/them by rationalizing logically.

So, if you don't know what to listen for, you could be using the Wrong Communication Tool to Manage the Conflict w/this person!


It's Like Hitting Your Head Against a Wall!

Recognizing when someone is in a Victim Mindset is important, because they are typically using Emotion Disguised as Logic and when this is the case, it is difficult or impossible to reason w/them by rationalizing logically.

Before we get too far ahead of ourselves, let's expand on the principles:

The VICTIM Mentality will FOCUS on the PROBLEM, HELPLESSNESS & BLAME:

Listen for it!!

They won't be able to move beyond that problem, except to blame and tell you what they can't do!

HOWEVER...

They will tell you what you and everyone else could or should be doing to fix things. And/or what was done wrong.

They'll have no shortage of 'Great' Ideas of how to correct the problem. None of which will offer any real solution. Only deflection of them being responsible for anything solid, except in some far-off fantasy land place where ideas are void of any type of action necessary to actually initiate real change.

Some of these utterings sound feasible, logical some even insightful...

...but don't be fooled.

They may say something like this...


"Well, The Problem Is..."

...or...

"Here's the Problem..."

You've heard it, I've heard it. Heck, I've said it, but that's NOT the problem...

It's what follows that statement...

If that statement is followed up by blame or helplessness, the person is probably speaking out of their Victim Mentality. That small, dark, scary, selfish place in all of us that is afraid of doing anything and may want someone to come in a rescue us or the world to be 'better.' That place where someone may store their anger. That place where nothing is EVER Right. A place where we often Hide from Other things...

None of which will help us figure out THIS problem!

You ability to recognize this state in someone else (and  in ourselves) can lead the way to a clearer understanding of how to handle the conflict.



Tit for Tat...

So, you hear the person out and offer a suggestion, only to be met by a barrage of excuses and pseudo-rational vomit attempting to deflect any personal responsibility what-so-ever.

It's all out 'there' , nothing THEY can do, they are helpless. Someone (or something) else is both responsible for the problem AND for the solution...

Or...

Maybe they aren't looking for a solution at all, they are just venting or transferring other concerns, fears, etc. onto the subject at hand.


Here's An Example...

Here's the situation:

Problem: One of your employees keeps illegally parking in a handicap parking spot in front of your business:

(Yes, I know there are many 'solutions' to this problem, but this is just an example of seeing the Victim's Focus.)


You: "Is there a reason why you're parking in the handicap space again?" (Apparent Problem)

Them: "There weren't any other parking spots." (Blame)

You: "I get that, but you're not handicapped and those spots are reserved for people who need them. There are more spots in the overflow."

Them: "Yea, but, that's too far away and no one ever uses the handicap spaces anyway."  (pseudo logic, veiled blame, justification & not taking responsibility)

You: "I get it, but they are there for people who need them."

Them: "It's not my fault that you don't have enough parking spaces. I shouldn't have to park all the way around the corner to go to work!" (Helplessness, Blame & Justification)

You: "I hear that you're frustrated about the situation, however that is out of our control at this point. I asked you a few times not to park there, but you continue to anyway."

Them: "This is crap, this parking lot is taped off wrong anyway. They could've put a lot more spaces in if they would have done it right!"  (Blame)


Do You See the Pattern?

The point of the above dialog is not to figure the problem out. It is so you can see how the person keeps spinning in the victim's mentality.

Can you hear the pattern?

They keep Focusing on the Problem, Helplessness & Blame (and Poor Rationalization), rather than taking responsibility and offering (or in this case going with the) solutions.

If you take the bait and keep debating with them regarding their pseudo-logic, you'll either just give in to their lame excuses or get into an argument.

So how do you deal with them?!


Great Question!!

I would keep going, but you and I have other things to do today...

So join me on my next (Almost) Daily email and I'll continue on this subject and give you some SPECIFIC Ways of dealing with this person.

Remember, YOU Have Access NOW...

I share these and other Important Conflict Management Tools in the Complete PeaceWalker Conflict Communication Program that's Available to You Right NOW on PeaceWalker.net!

Members you have access already!

If you're not a member yet and want Access to that Entire Course (and a LOT More!). You can get FREE Access to Try It Out for 7 Days!

Just Click HERE!


In the meantime, have a great day!!

You got this,

~Craig

The Dark Side of Being a Protector!



Today is off to a great start! Rolled out of bed just before 8am... Clicked on my fireplace (thanks again Chad!)... Checked financial stuff (paypal, stripe, credit union)...Paid some bills (That always feels good!). Followed up on some recent proposals for a few corporate conflict management programs.

Reflected on last nights Krav Class and smiled to myself at how well everyone is doing on this testing ramp up! (Only 3 more weeks until your BIG DAY!!)

Listening to a little Greta Van Fleet (Kick'n new band from Frankenmuth, MI - Sound a lot like Zeppelin... Talented young guys) as I write this to you and  get ready to teach a (mini) Assault Prevention Workshop at West MI Academy of Environmental Science. (Thanks Again Rob for bringing me out!).

I'm looking forward to the chance to work with 20 or so young folks today. We get to talk about what it means to be a protector and why this PeaceWalker Lifestyle is so powerful.

But also that there is also...


The Dark Side of Being a Protector...

Now as I write that statement I realize how many rabbit holes I can go down with that statement... Making this email loooooooong!

I will spare you though.

Although there are many things we could talk about regarding the Dark Side of Protectors.

Such as...

Protecting the wrong things, like:

~ Too much Ego.
~ Limiting Relative Values.
~ Unhealthy addictions.
~ Power (in a negative way).
~ The seeds Anger, Fear & Hate that lives in us all.
~ Attitudes and beliefs that no longer serve us or only serve US, at the expense of others.
~ I could continue, but won't...

The bottom line is that sometimes we Focus on the Wrong Things!

This is especially true during conflict.

What kind of conflict you ask!?!

Good question...

The answer is ALL types of conflict.

We tend to focus on the wrong things when we have a conflict inside of ourselves or with other people.

It takes a lot of clarity, effort and often training to focus on the right things under the stress of conflict.

Like learning how to shoot effectively, most people have to be trained what to focus on during conflict.


PeaceWalker or Victim?

People with a Victim Mentality tend to focus on the very things that will perpetuate them to continue to be victims. Where as the PeaceWalker will see the same situation in a totally different way...

First off PeaceWalkers see...

Conflict as an Opportunity

Not to overly simplify things, but things are always happening, some of those things we see as good, other things we see as less than desirable.

We don't always have control over what happens to us, but we can choose how we RESPOND to it.

Holocaust Survivor Viktor Frankl said,

"To choose one's own attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way..."


These are words to Live by! 

Do what you can do to change what is happening and if you can't, always remember to do your best,  then you have to let go (or at least loosen up), learn from it and on...

Or you can continue to bi^@#, complain and be miserable.

Your choice!

This attitude plays out over and over when trying to manage conflict (or just live your Life!).


PeaceWalker Focus vs. Victim Focus

Victim Focuses on:

(1) The Problem
(2) What They Can't Do
(3) Blame

PeaceWalker Focuses On:

(1) Solutions
(2) What They CAN DO
(3) What's the Next Step


Want More Detail?!

I would go into greater detail now, but I have to get going to teach that (mini) Workshop I was telling you about.

Maybe I expand on those concepts later this week (tomorrow!?)

REMEMBER...

That concept is fleshed out in WAY more detail and 'weaponized' in the PeaceWalker Conflict Communication Program!

That Entire Program is Available NOW on PeaceWalker.net!

Members you have access already!

If you're not a member yet and want (almost) Instant Access to that entire course and a LOT More! You can get FREE Access to Try It Out for 7 Days!

Just Click HERE!



*What do I mean by 'weaponized'? Well, I teach you how to really use the concepts to Manage Conflict More Effectively when you are face to face with a situation. Boots on the ground so to speak!



You got this,

~Craig